A legend, but why?

The entire restaurant scene is in mourning over the loss of the great Jan Restorff. My social media feed is inundated by condolences, memories of dinners shared with the legend and quirky recollections of conversations had with him over fine burgundy. A true legend has passed, way too early at the age of 57, and I have passed my own sincere condolences for the loss of an extremely admirable man to his family.

He was indeed a legend, so many of us in this industry have been touched by his personality. I am not gonna pretend that I was close with Jan, but he had an important impact on me and the countless reactions to his passing show how widespread his impact has been. Almost everyone I know has a story;
How he taught someone something they will never forget, how he made a special dinner at Søllerød Kro truly special, how he came to some ones restaurant again and again. Never seeking any attention, but always, somehow, leaving his mark.

He recently celebrated 26 years of hosting at Søllerød Kro that during his reign has seen some of the countrys most important chefs in its kitchen, many of them building the french-based foundation for what would later become the New Nordic kitchen. Celebrating a quarter of a decade in one of the finest establishments of this country is a feat on its own, but Jan Restorff, did more than just stick around the same place for a long period of time, his time both in and out of Søllerød Kro has a lot to teach all of us.

I had my first meal at Søllerød Kro when I was a souschef at Noma. As many others have repeated before me, while the food was fantastic, what made the experience stand out was always the service, and even more so, Jans presence.
He, and the team, made me feel that whatever culinary credit Noma's early pursuit (in 2007) had gathered, it was all mine to spend. I was there for a special occasion, but it almost felt like it was a special occasion that I was there. I had barely spent 6 months at noma, still, it was as if I had created the place. Nothing explicit, just by pure royal treatment of a 24 year old souschef. Outstanding service of this level not only improves your experience of the restaurant and the food. It changes how you experience yourself, within that restaurant. That is where the magic happens.
The way he would talk about the culinary work being done at Noma was with such genuine respect and admiration that I almost felt as an impostor, sitting there, taking it all in on the behalf of a team I at the time only barely had become a part of. This continued on in the years to come, where he would surprise me with a clear and sharp memory of who I was whenever I met him, and as I opened relæ he was incredibly interested, and ready to pay a visit, about 2 weeks into our opening.

As he came on the first of many late night dinners our small team was thrilled. Everything was so intense in those first weeks. I felt we had so much to prove. The energy was bustling and he came in with a young somm from Søllerød. They drove straight in as service dialed down at "kroen" - "the inn" They were seated at the counter 15 min. before the kitchen closed.
We smashed them with all we got, completely forgetting that we were intending to only serve 4 courses, we sent Jan and his colleague a mix of the two menus on offer, the cheese and whatever else we got in something like an hour or so.
I remember him sitting there, taking it in; Waving in the aroma of the dish, looking up, looking at me. Smiling eyes telling me - this is good shit young man. Good shit.
I was so proud.
He loved the food. He loved the vibe. He came countless times, after service at "kroen" in those first 2-3 years. He was again showing such respectful admiration for what we were doing. The work we were putting into it. You could just tell how he would enjoy sitting there looking into the kitchen and all the crazy stuff going on around him. A bit of banter with Kim Rossen over the counter, a bit of leaning back and savoring a wine pairing.

With 10.000 meals under his belt and decades of experiences as a diner as well as a host, he never made it feel like he had seen it all.
Many are remembering his talent as a host, as the embodiment of hospitality, and how the service level at Søllerød Kro was at an exceptional level because of his skill, dedication and personality. They are all completely right.
But what I found even more admirable was how he could bring that same attitude with him outside of his own realm. How his dedication to serving, to hosting, was so ingrained in his persona that it had naturally become his approach to life, going beyond his profession.

That magical feeling that you have gotten a special treatment, or great service, is in its essence a feeling of being seen and acknowledged. To be able to connect and make people feel this way, is a truly deep act of humanity. As a father to small children, I have learned that this is now my main job, seeing them, being with them. Admittedly this does not come natural for me. It requires intent, and at times hard work. I have to forget my own needs and interests, and just devote myself to the well being of others. I was, after all, raised as a single child, with 1000 ideas, and interests that I really have a hard time putting down. But these are the same qualities that makes for a good friend, a good colleague, and a good leader. It is also arguably what I believe to be the greatest skill to master in the world of hospitality.

This applies everywhere - from fine-dining establishments like Søllerød Kro, or a small tavern, a book store, or anywhere that welcomes people; Good service is about connecting with people, not crumbing the tables faster than the diners can mess them up. Great service is not getting what you paid for, it is the feeling of being understood, of being appreciated, of truly feeling that human connection. If you have ever tried walking into a crazy busy restaurant where a host is capable of acknowledging you immediately apologizing for how busy they are, rather than ignoring you, until you leave, you have felt how the difference is monumental. In the first scenario, you might really regret that you didn't remember to book a table, in the second, you will never return. That little blink of a moment, where someone looks up, nods, and really wants to connect with you, is what can save an experience. Its about a deeply personal trait of character, but it is also a skill that can be honed, and the hospitality industry, is the training ground for it.

Paradoxically enough, when Jan was having dinner at relæ, in those young teenage years of ours, we were quite the opposite of hospitable. We were so confident (or maybe, thats exactly the opposite of what we were) that we would not move an inch to make anyone happy. The music was loud because we wanted it that way, the carrots were burned because we wanted it that way, and "yes, the chicken is supposed to be like that." It was my way, or the high way.

His visits dwindled over the years, and I think it coincided with the opening of Bæst and myself and Kim Rossen being less present on Jægersborggade.
But in the following years, whenever I would meet him, either while dining at Søllerød Kro or just out and about, every single time, he would get back to the first relæ menu, eyes half closed, his lips chewing on the memory of the flavors he apparently remembered so clearly. With his hand waving in the imaginative aroma of dishes consumed 5-8 or even 10 years ago he would go on:
"The little pickled mackerel..., cauliflower, and what was it...lemon purè?"
"yeah, exactly, a lemon rind purè." If it had not been the very first menu, I would probably have had my own memory challenged.
Hand waving in more, chewing on the recalled flavour; "the carrots...wow, the carrots, with black currants, seaweed and then paired with Domaine de la Tournelle" - referencing the incredible wine pairing of the time by Ulf Ringius. "I remember it so clearly, i can still taste it"
Coming out of a conversation with Jan, I would come out of it feeling like a champion, feeling like the work that i had done, really meant something to someone. Today I am not sure wether his capability to recall these things were based on his fascination for the dishes, or his wish to make me feel heard, and appreciated, a way of bringing hospitality with him, wherever he went.
It was incredible, to hear this man, that would probably eat out 5 days a week, had tried any restaurant you could ever think of twice, and that would have such a clear understanding of flavor, of wine pairings and of restaurants in general, have such a clear memory of experiences we had created, and so much respect for the work we had done.

As a host, as a somm, as a guest and as a peer, Jan Restorff was radiating the calm confidence that can both embrace others around him, and leave space for them to be, and therefor to grow. With every focused sip of wine, with every comment on a dish, with every table side conversation, wether he was seated, or he was hosting, he always took everyones experience seriously, while never taking himself too seriously. He WAS the embodiment of hospitality, not because he made the service at Søllerød Kro the finest in the country, but because he was capable bringing that presence, personality and interest to the work that everyone else was doing. Big or small. He had the true confidence to make room for everyone else. Wether he was serving you, or you was cooking for him, he was capable of making YOU feel special. He taught us with class, how decades of serving, hosting and truly living the art of the restaurant, hones the most important and at times forgotten part of our world of hospitality. The basic human connection. That, is what made him a Legend. In our industry, we have the opportunity to follow his example. With humble appreciation for the people around us we can simply become better people, better hosts, friends, colleagues, and leaders. While Jan resided at the highest level of restaurants, I believe that the approach can be used in every type of establishment. The mechanical service technicalities, are not the ones that make the difference- those are what you pay for. What makes it special, is the human connection.